The Shittiest Kids East of the Mississippi (Pun Intended)

My kids shit more than any other kid I've ever known. Maybe I just don't know that many babies but all four of mine poop at least twice a day, sometimes I get two or three of them that will go three or four times, in one 12 hour period. I guess you could say that they're regular, especially where almost every day every single one of them goes before 10 o'clock am. Sometimes before 8. Awesome.

Being a helpful person, willing to help and offer advice where I can, and where I have a couple of girlfriends currently pregnant with their first, and a couple who will be trying for their first in the near future, I wanted to share Nora's experience from this morning. My trio is formula fed, so they don't have the ferocious blowouts that Gwen used to. Gwen's poops were always running down her legs or sliding up her back as she had runny breastmilk poops. The triplets' messy diapers tend to stay contained to the diaper. Not so today. Good thing I've been in a much better mood.

Every day we follow the same routine, get the trips up at 6, start bottles, Tony goes to get Gwen at 6:30 and then on the days when I have to actually leave the house Tony will feed Tess (always the last to go) while I take a shower. Usually by 7:15 he's off to work and I'm ready for the day. Today is a shower day. So after I finished giving Holden his bottle, and while Tony was up getting Gwen, I heard Nora rip a couple of good farts. She grunted and lifted a cheek off the ground and I thought to myself, "Oop! She's poopin'! Good thing Tony's coming down any minute and I have to shower because he will be the one changing it! Hehehehe!" But he never changed her and as so many things in my daily life, I forgot all about the whole thing. So at 7:30 when I went to put the kids down for their nap (Gwen was secured in her high chair eating French Toast, and mind you, I was freshly showered and in nice, clean clothes), I picked up a scent in the air and started smell-checking. Nora was the first one I grabbed and man, did she stink! We headed into the nursery and when I laid her on the changing table I thought, "Huh. My arm feels wet. I sure hope she didn't pee through her clothes because I don't feel like digging a new outfit out of the laundry." I know what you're thinking and you're right... No, she didn't pee through her diaper. She shat through it. More than she's ever pumped out at once before. So bad that I decided to develop a game plan and clean up her lady parts first, then her legs, and then the butt cheeks so that I could sit her up, peel off her poop jammies and wipe down her back. (No, I wasn't going to throw her in the bath; first off, it's not that easy with triplets and a hard-core schedule, and secondly, I had planned on bathing them later today.) Just as I got wrist deep in it, Tess fell on something in the kitchen and started screaming. Which prompted Gwen to shout, "Mommy! Mommy!" multiple times, which two weeks ago would have made my anxiety level skyrocket. Instead, I decided to fuck trying to keep it tidy. Instead, I opted for the lazy man's solution: wipe the kid down and throw everything else out. So after I got Nora all cleaned up, I put her in her crib for her nap with nothing but a diaper on. Then I grabbed the pile of shit diaper, wipes and jammies and headed for the kitchen. The first thing Gwen said when she saw it was, "Stinky! Nora pooped!" She sure did. She sure did.

I put the other two down for their nap too and let Gwen eat her breakfast while I took pictures to post in my blog. (And yes, I did wash down my counter with Clorox after the fact!) It's so sad how my mind works and how addicted to my blog I am already. So, to you girls who are pregnant, here's what your life will become. To those who are planning on starting a family, you might want to think twice...